Impulse Control
by AKApolarbear
Summary: When your best friend texts you out of the blue, saying, 'Max i adopted a ferret and have no idea what i'm doing send help,' it tends to be cause for concern. [Based off of a post on tumblr.]


Max sighed deeply through her nose, already feeling the start of a headache coming on. At least, she supposed, it wasn't as bad as a 'shit, rewinding too much, need to cool down' migraine, but she would've liked to have gone at least one day this week without a fire spreading behind her eyes. But she should've known by now that that was an impossibility when your best friend was Chloe Price.

 _Where to start?_ She mused before mentally rolling her eyes. _Maybe with the obvious question, dumbass?_

"…But _why_ did you adopt a ferret?" Max questioned, her eyes locked not on her best friend, but the wiggling mass of fur that was the reason she was here. She wasn't particularly _against_ the idea of Chloe having a pet; hell, if it helped make Chloe happier, Max would've bought her a ferret herself. However, when your best friend texts you out of the blue, saying, ' _Max i adopted a ferret and have no idea what i'm doing send help,_ ' that tends to be cause for concern.

Chloe's response was to hoist the animal up into Max's face, holding it out like the opening to The Lion King. "Dude, you wanna take a look at that face and tell me I needed a reason?" The ferret stared at Max unblinkingly, its dark eyes framed by a brown mask of fur, holding still for the first time since she had arrived. Not even five seconds later, its head lolled back and it tried to squirm its way around, like it wanted to get a better view of the rest of the room. Okay, while Max had to agree that Chloe kind of had a point, it didn't exactly answer the question.

Instead of asking again, Max decided to change the question. "Do you even know anything about ferrets? Like, at all?"

Chloe went back to holding the ferret in a more protective manner, cradling the animal close to her chest. The ferret took the opportunity to then try to climb up onto her shoulder. "Well, yeah, I mean…" she hesitated and shrugged noncommittally, "I know _some_ stuff. They're like cats, right? But smaller." She paused again, trying to dig up some other ferret fun facts that she may have heard at some point. "…Don't they steal shit, too? Like…shiny things?"

"That's a no, then." Max replied flatly. While she couldn't claim to be an expert on ferrets – she was never allowed to keep pets due to her father's allergies – she was pretty sure that to take care of a ferret you needed to know more than, 'They're like small cats that steal shit.'

Chloe actually looked a little offended at Max's accusation, and shifted the ferret away from the brunette, as if she expected Max to confiscate it. "What the hell, Max? I can totally take care of a ferret! I mean, I had a cat once!"

Max was tempted to reply, _Yeah, and we both know how that ended_ , but refrained, figuring that bringing up the death of a previous pet was not the best thing to do while discussing the prospect of keeping a new pet. Rather, she continued with the questioning, because she was genuinely having trouble trying to pin down Chloe's train of thought and logic with her decision to adopt a ferret. "Have you bothered to tell Joyce or David about this yet?"

"Oh, fuck no. Mom would flip her shit and my step-ass'd probably try and shoot him or something." Chloe answered, scratching the ferret's head while it played with the string of her necklace.

"Okay…" Max took in a deep breath and vaguely wondered if it was too late to leave and rewind back to before she'd seen Chloe's text and this time just ignore it. Unfortunately, dealing with Chloe's lack of impulse control had already given her a headache and a rewind that far back was just asking for trouble. "So let me get this straight. You went out, adopted a ferret while having no idea how to take of a ferret, didn't bother telling your mom or step-father about said ferret, and have no supplies to take care of said ferret." She waited for Chloe to interject if she had gotten any of the information incorrect, but Chloe didn't have any interruptions. Max sighed and rubbed her forehead, "Dammit, Chloe, and I thought stealing David's gun was going to be the most insane thing you did this week."

"Well, why do you think I called you over?!" Chloe asked like it was the most obvious question in the world, and it was at that point Max was almost positive that her best friend had gone crazy.

"Honestly, I don't know! Why _did_ you?!" Max shot back, trying very hard to connect the dots of how she could possibly be any help in this situation, unless Chloe thought that her superpowers included super-ability-to-take-care-of-another-living-thing.

"You can help me take care of him!" Chloe answered with a grin. Upon taking note of the way Max's face fell at that answer, she threw an arm over the shorter girl's shoulders, cradling the ferret in her other arm. "Aw, c'mon, it'll be great! Like raising a kid together, except hairier and with less crying! Plus, I, uh…" she trailed off and chuckled awkwardly, "I doubt Mom would let me keep him, but with your support, she'll be all for it!" At Max's extended silence, she raised the ferret up to Max eye level once again. "…Are you really gonna say no to that face?"

Max was not going to say yes. She didn't want to say yes. She had too many problems going on this week to even think about saying yes. Besides, raising a ferret-slash-kid with Chloe? That sounded like one of the worst ideas she had ever heard! No, she would not be saying yes. She was not going to– "…I get to name him."

Chloe's face lit up as she grinned victoriously after once again managing to corrupt Max to her side. "Hella yes! Dude, we are gonna be the best ferret parents ever!"

Max shouldn't have said yes…but Chloe was right. Only a monster could say no to that face.


End file.
